Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
