He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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