woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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