Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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