i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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