marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
