***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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