Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
