After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
