god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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