my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
