True but thats because hes a fetus.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
