What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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