Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
