I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
