kristin has been a bad kristin
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
