I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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