I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
