Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize