Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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