The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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