she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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