Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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