Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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