I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
