Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
