I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
is wine microwaveable?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
