1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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