Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
