did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
