dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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