i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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