glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
