hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
