I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
