i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
