So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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