Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
