Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
