so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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