dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
