he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize