Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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