Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I will be naked everywhere
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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