We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
