Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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