I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
