Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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