I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
