i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just pee around me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize