guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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