I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
