Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
