Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
