You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
