i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
