i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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