I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Randomize
