The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
