i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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