the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
