yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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