i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
