I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
